Avuncular Brian

YouBarbershop Magazine's own "Omniscient One", aka Avuncular Brian would like to answer any questions you may have in the field of barbershop culture.  Send Brian a question and he may very well answer it in an upcoming issue.

Beware, Mr. "OO" doesn't have much patience for stupid questions.

Please email your questions to avuncularbrian@gmail.com.

Here are a few samples of Avuncular Brian's replies to some of his fan's questions:

Dear Avuncular Brian,
A guy in front of me on the risers keeps passing gas. I feel like punching him but would rather try a non-violent solution first. I can’t wear a gas mask because it wrecks my vowel sounds. What should I do?

Gagging in Wagner

Dear GagWag,
Here’s the deal - you can’t affect your performance by responding to acts of nature (or, in this case, acts against nature). But once you get off the risers, all bets are off!
Try something that will get his attention. My recommendation? Dutch Oven. During a colder rehearsal night, bring a fleece hoodie jacket with you - when break begins, find everyone you can who has gas and have them fart into it. Then, while you’re outside during break, offer it up & when he puts it on, pull the hood over his nose!
Seriously, ever tried talking to him? I mean, really? I’m sure there are others around you who’re in the same boat. Nothing like peer pressure to take off the gastric pressure!

Dear Avuncular Brian,
Everyone on our visual team tells me I need to show more facial expression while I’m singing. I know I’m doing a great job and I’m pretty sure they’re just harassing me because they’re jealous. Should I leave and go to a better, bigger chorus who will appreciate my amazing talent?

Showtime Shane

Hey, Shane -
You are a real dumb@$$, y’know that?
Avuncular Brian